Turn on the radio and you will hear many examples of the struggles of relationship depicted in lyrics. The process of trying to determine if and when you realize or know something is “love,” reasons for failed attempts at “love,” and who’s to blame for it’s demise. Many songs illustrate the romantic stage of relationship which often tricks us into thinking it’s love or lasting commitment.
Truth be told, that stage of relationship is quite misleading. The “fantasy” of relationship is presented. And before long, the reality of relationship sets in. Struggles occur, communication breaks down, and hurt and resentment build. Fear, conscious and unconscious, begins to replace the ease and infatuation that occurs during that beginning stage of relationship. When romantic love begins to fade we begin asking ourselves “What in the world was I thinking?” We begin telling ourselves, “He/She isn’t right for me,” “It shouldn’t be this hard,” “He’s/She’s too unavailable,” “He’s/She’s too needy.”
All of these stories we tell ourselves can be deduced to fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy, fear of being smothered, fear of losing self, fear of disappointing self or others, fear of not being good enough, or fear of being too much to name a few. It’s a whole lot easier to begin to blame the other person than to look at or take accountability for our own behavior and the part we play in the struggle. I assure you, there is nothing like being in a relationship to offer, “Joy, Pain, Sunshine, and Rain.”